Can anyone tell me why I would have water in my oil, and why it looks like spoiled chocolate milk? And what I need to do to fix it.

That typically means you have a blown head gasket.

How can I fix it?

Have it tested to make sure that's the issue. But I am all most positive it will be. The head will have to be removed and the gasket replaced. If you are not mechanically inclined then I would find a good shop to do this repair for you.

also intake gasket is a possibility. A known problem to happen on these vehicles. I would just get something else. Once you get water in your oil your engine is on borrowed time. It may last years, weeks, days, or hours. Get something else, dont dump to much $$$ into it